Having a Baby Tutorial (For the Men)

Here are the things you need to know when your wife has a baby…this is for your piece of mind and for your safety.

  1. Do EVERYTHING your wife tells you to do.  If she needs ice chips, get her ice chips.  Can’t find ice chips, unacceptable.  I don’t care if you have to chisel some from a glacier north of Newfoundland…you get ice chips.
  2. Start doing finger exercises now.  Why?  Because when your wife is squeezing the life out of your hands, strength in those fingers is paramount.  As your fingers de-shrivel, you will thank me for the dexterity you built up over the next few weeks.
  3. If ten minutes has gone by without you telling your wife she has done a good job, you have failed.  You will never experience the pain she is feeling in your lifetime, so put your encouraging pants on now and never take them off..
  4. Be ready to cut the ambilical cord.  This is your time to shine.  Your wife was just an all-star and scored the winning touchdown, now you need to kick the extra point.  Now get out there and do your job to the best of your ability.
  5. Following the main event, have the camera ready.  You think, no big deal, we’ll have plenty of time for pictures.  You are wrong, my friend, wrong wrong wrong.  Be ready with the camera.
  6. Have the discussion of sleeping arrangements before the hospital.  A compromise may be in order like staying the first night there and getting some rest at home the next night.  This depends on the health status of your wife.  Speaking of sleeping arrangements, if you are wondering what it will be like, allow me to give you an illustration.  Take the most uncomfortable chair you’ve ever sat in, take it apart, set all the parts on the floor, now sleep on it.
  7. Most hospitals have these kitchens where you get snacks & drinks.  Three words:  TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE.  Seriously, have no shame.  When you go for a drink for your wife, get three for yourself.  Other advice:  check all cabinets, wear a sweatshirt with extra pockets, and try all kinds of cookies.
  8. Do not go back to work too soon.  Enjoy your little one and see #1 on this list.

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3 thoughts on “Having a Baby Tutorial (For the Men)

  1. Maria Hughes says:

    That was perfect!!!! A lucky woman , Your wife is, I had to laugh, will pass along!

  2. jeff beckley says:

    Reblogged this on Building Leaders of Tomorrow and commented:

    With many of my friends and family having babies, I posted this on Facebook earlier this week, thought it would be good to re-blog.

  3. […] Past Parenting Articles:  Having a Baby Tutorial (For Men) & Parenting Lessons Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. Tagged Delivery Room Tips, ESPN, […]

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