Category Archives: Random

10 Things to Say While Someone Is Recording a Snapchat or Instagram Story

Snapchat and Instagram are great for recording memories and pictures of family and friends.  Birthday parties, vacations, achievements, hilarious kid moments…it’s great to have the phone there to video these special moments.  But, when it is a “slow news day”, it’s fun to add a little narration to the stories on Instragram or Snapchat.  Here’s a few to help you take full advantage of those moments.  (Warning:  When using these, they will be much funnier to you than to the person recording the video.)

  1. Hey can someone check out this rash on my back side…seems to be oozing…do we have a mop?
  2. This trash can smells like a small creature has died in there, and has been dead for years.
  3. Hun, did we let the kids out of their cages last night…oh are you recording?
  4. If you’re a Russian spy, does that your secrets are passed down to our kids?
  5. I just told this cupcake “I love you” and I really meant it with all my heart.
  6. They didn’t have wart remover at the pharmacy, so I bought needle-nose pliers at the hardware store. That should do the trick.
  7. How many kids do we have again? I think we may be missing one.
  8. Remember when you cried during that dentures commercial…I don’t think I’ll ever get that one.
  9. A bat just flew in our living room again. Make that two bats.  Whoa, this one is carrying our neighbors pet rabbit.  How we going to tell little Johnny what happened?
  10. Alright, it’s done. All the evidence is buried in the backyard.  What’s for dinner?

 

 

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10 Ways Christmas is Different as an Adult

  1. The energy level from a new toy or video game system lasted all day as a kid.  Now after the rush of Christmas morning, by dinner time it felt like 2 am, I just ran a marathon, and a bus hit me while I were crossing the finish line.
  2. Your Christmas list was toys, games, and fun stuff…now it is programmable thermostats to save money in the winter, socks, and a waterproof vest…and the funny thing is, you are just as excited!
  3. It used to take a week to play or enjoy all the presents…now I look for a box that I can fit my presents in and I’m all set.
  4. I cannot think of one Christmas dinner I had growing up…but this Hickory Honey Ham presentation with Hawaiian rolls, loaded mashed potatoes, carrot casserole, and a chilled IBC root beer will not be soon forgotten.
  5. Matching jammies with my family as a child would be thoroughly resisted in every way…but as a grown up it’s hilarious, fun, and great for pictures.
  6. Opening presents was just the best…now opening your own presents can get in the way of watching your kids open theirs.
  7. When you were a kid it was fun to make Christmas lists…now it takes me all year to compile things I want (it’s true, I keep a notes list on my phone – the programmable thermostat held the #1 spot since summer).
  8. What happened to me? I went from “Merry Christmas ya filthy animal” to where I couldn’t wait to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and allow my eyes to well up…it’s only a matter of time till the tears start rollin in.
  9. I don’t remember when I stopped believing in Santa Claus, but I know I won’t forget when my kids have that experience!
  10. One thing will never change with my age, I still am thankful for the reason for the Season and love to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus with my kids…The Hope that Christ brought me as a kid is the hope I still hold on to today.

15697298_10157887449565246_5706098247670253993_nHoping you and your family had a Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

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10 Thoughts From the Nutcracker Ballet

Last night, I had the privilege of taking my sweet 5-year-old daughter on a “daddy double date”.  My buddy scored us some tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet (noticed I used “scored” there to make it sound a little more manly).  I’ve never been to the ballet before, so I decided to share with you what was going through my mind during the performance.  Enjoy.Nutcracker

  1. Has anyone ever run into each other in one of these performances?  Or better yet, fallen off the stage into the pit.  Now that would make things interesting.
  2. How come the orchestra is in that pit down there?  Do they have radio sound but not stage faces?
  3. Those tights that dude is wearing would not get within 1,200 yards of my closet.  Eeek.
  4. The main character looked like Desmond Howard, that would be so cool if he would do “The Heisman” pose.
  5. I don’t get it.  I’m confused.  What is going on?
  6. If my daughter’s favorite part was the snack time at intermission, why didn’t we just go the snack area at CVS down the street.  They got 1 Lb. bags of M&M’s there for the same price as a bottled water here.
  7. When my daughter asked “Is that TinkerBell?  Is that Sleeping Beauty?  Is that Belle?…”  I said enthusiastically “Yeah!”.  I honestly wasn’t completely sure based on my understanding of the story line.
  8. Hey that’s the song from Home Alone (or maybe it’s the other way around).  Now we’re talkin!
  9. The special effects movement must have skipped over the ballet generation…I can see the strings, set manager dude.
  10. This makes everything worth it, holding my date on my lap the whole time so she could see.
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Catchy Song Alert…about the church!

An acoustic song like no other.  “We are your church, and we need your power!”  Great prayer song about our need for God in our churches!

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For all you techies out there…

Apps, programs, & talking pens…oh my!  This was a great article for techies, small business owners, & yep, you guessed it, those in ministry.  Check it out.

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All about the Washingtons…

Did a lesson on MONEY last week, and was thinking, maybe I should share with others in ministry how I do my best to save money.  Because, let’s be honest, we could all use some tips in this area since those in ministry aren’t exactly signing contracts like Albert Pujols this winter.  Well, here ya go:

Pastor Jeff’s top 7 Ways to save money:

  1. Water.  Get water at restaurants & you will save hundreds of dollars every year.
  2. Weep.  Weep, because ESPN is a luxury and not a “must have”.
  3. Wait.  My wife is the queen of this.  She finds something she likes, she will wait till it is on sale, and sometimes wait till it is on a better sale.
  4. Walk.  Nope, not saying walk to work.  I’m saying when you go to a clothing store, walk to the back of the store where the clearance rack is and shop there.
  5. Work.  The Bible commands men that you provide for your family.  So if you struggle with laziness now, get rid of it now, because you are required to work the rest of your life because retirement is now fiction for our generation.
  6. Willpower.  You could buy the energy drink now or just drink water.  You could get this now, or wait for the sale.  You could buy the DVD now or wait till it is on the $5 rack.
  7. Whoa.  Some of you buy things to impress people and make them go “Whoa”…stop doing that.
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Top 10 Observations from the World Series…Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of these things.

Let’s take a little retreat away from ministry for a moment, and talk a little baseball.  Didn’t watch a single game this whole season, but man has this World Series been a good one between the Texas Rangers and the St. Louis Cardinals.  Here are some thoughts from the first 5 games:

  1. Some would argue this, but I think hitting a baseball that is either moving crazy or going crazy fast is the hardest thing to do in sports.
  2. And the 2nd hardest thing would be the catcher catching those crazy moving baseballs.
  3. Why do the camera men think we want to see random girls from the crowd every inning?  If you are going to show the crowd, show a little kid dancing crazy, the nervous old lady (like from last night), or the guy that shaved his head and painted himself red.
  4. Lance Berkman definitely wears eyeliner…next game, you look and tell me I’m lying.
  5. Speaking of health & beauty products, does Beltre dye his beard like that crazy man on the Giants last year?
  6. Sorry Cardinal fans, but I think it is cool that the guy with the least star-power, probably smallest contract too, has a chant for him and will probably win MVP….Nap-o-li, Nap-o-li.
  7. If I was a picture and had to face Pujols, I would intentionally walk him even if there was nobody on base, that dude is huge!
  8. If I was a coach I would make the signs more fun, like picking my nose, making noises from my armpits…stuff like that.  Too obvious?
  9. I always wonder who came up with the “must spit” rule.
  10. This is some good baseball, makes you miss the little league days.

 

 

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Signs of Old Age

I admit, I wouldn’t label myself as being old, but when a student said to me “What are you, like 40?”  It got me thinking…what makes me look and act so much older to my students, and here are some answers and TOP 10 SIGNS OF OLD AGE:

  1. You get bored after 3 minutes on Facebook
  2. It takes you 5 days to recover from a pick up basketball game
  3. Your wife tells you everyday to get your eyes checked
  4. You think it is a good idea to get White Castle, but the rest of your body thinks it is a very bad idea
  5. When choosing an outfit comfort rules over style
  6. When you are young it is “Why this” & “Why that”…and now it is “What?”…… “What?”
  7. You get the most laughs when you do something athletic
  8. The two words that give your heart complete joy are “Nap Time”
  9. You talk more with your friends about the latest mortgage rates than the latest movie reviews
  10. You think Lady Gaga is a character on a children’s program on the Public Access Channel 

Sadly, most of these are true about me…does that make me seem so much older?

Random Thoughts

Here are some news stories that just make you go why?

  1. I’m sure you heard about the lady that wanted to get a closer picture of the polar bears at the zoo.  Why?
  2. Ever want to break the world record for most texts in a month.  Might want to check if you have unlimited texting.
  3. I bet they were starburst jelly beans.  Soooo good.

What’s New in the Sports World

  1. The Bulls-Celtics series has become epic.  Thank you KG for being hurt so it is fair teams.
  2. I heard the NFL draft might go to 3 days now!  Are you serious?  Why don’t we make it like the 12 days of Christmas.  Wasn’t a 3 1/2 hour first round a clue not to expand?
  3. Only a matter of time before we see StAROD on the field.  Thought of that myself and wanted to get it in before it was on someone’s poster on ESPN.  Always wanted to be on sportscenter, so if you are at a Yankee’s game feel free to use that and I can live vicariously through you.

What’s New in Ministry

  1. Missions Training for our upcoming trip to Kentucky Mountain Mission have been superb.  Students have been working hard and can’t say I’m not getting a little nervous as the trip approaches.
  2. Why does it take a financial crises to appreciate God’s giving towards us!  We are so blessed and spoiled by our Lord, and giving back to him through our time and resources is such a blessing, especially with so many in need.
  3. Looking forward to one of our biggest events.  Can’t wait for the 1st ever PRIM OLYMPICS.  It will be historic.

Mosquitos

Can someone tell me where these giant mosquitos are coming from?!?  They are everywhere.  I’m talking like Jurassic Park mosquitos.