Tag Archives: Sex

What Happens When Sinners Say “I Do”?

Did you know that your spouse is a sinner?  Yes, it’s true.  You married a sinner…and so did your spouse!  Sorry to lay that one on ya, but it’s true.  We are not perfect and when you get married, you marry an imperfect person with flaws, baggage, annoying habits, struggles, and a constant fight to please themselves over you.

So now that I dropped that bombshell on you, I thought it might be good to help you with this new revelation.  How about I suggest a book to you…41k0ystnbxl-_sx331_bo1204203200_

Book Review:  When Sinners Say I Do by Dave Harvey

The Good:

That’s Deep.  It’s like the author reaches into your soul in order pull out a good spouse.  There is incredible spiritual depth.  As Marty McFly would say…it’s heavy.  But, be patient, the book starts off pretty heavy but sets a very good foundation for the practical steps in the chapters that follow.  Topics that flow in the next few chapters include confrontation, forgiveness, communication, and sex.

Is “Teaching Illustrations” a spiritual gift?  Man, this dude can give illustrations.  I mean anything from riding a bike to opening gifts a Christmas…he is able to bring everyday life examples to drive home valuable lessons.  I mean, the author even snuck in Frodo and Luke Skywalker in there.  As a visual learner, this was very helpful in absorbing the material.

Beautiful End.  This was quite the twist.  I did not expect an ending that was so emotional and poetic.  Nearly brought to tears reading stories of marriages enduring through tragedy, I found it to be a perfect ending.  Although speaking of “till death do us part” as the final thoughts would not have been my first choice in writing the ending of a marriage book.  But you know what?  It worked.  Actually, it was masterful.  By far my favorite part of the book, and it left a sweet transition into putting the book’s lessons into practice in my own marriage.

The Bad:

What Just Happened?  There were times where I asked myself, “Self, where is he going with this?”.  On rare occasion, the transition from one point to another needed a little more.  We started merging on the freeway at 75 miles an hour and I needed time to put on my blinker.  You get me?

The Grade:  A-.  Based on the title, it might not be a good idea to buy it for your spouse.  How about buying it for yourself first?  Yeah, that’s a good idea.  This book allows reality to set in on marriage.  Fairytales do not exist.  Sure, falling in love is magical.  Your spouse is a gift that fills a part of your heart that was reserved only for them.  But…Life happens.  There are car problems, job losses, sick kids, sleepless nights…it’s not always unicorn rides over rainbows.  So when that happens, when tension rises along with your blood pressure…how will you work through marriage as a flawed, sinful, and mistake-filled person with someone else who is all those things too.  You’ll have to read this book (which points to the real answers found in God’s Word) to find out.

 

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Book Review: The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler #MinglingOfSouls

Book Review: The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler

The Good:

Attention all teenagers/young adults/parents of teens & young adults/etc etc. Tell all teenagers and young adults to read the 1st three chapters of this book right now! No seriously, get them out of school/wake them up/take them from work and leave them in a park somewhere and tell them to read the 1st three chapters of this book and discuss it with you. In these three chapters are priceless advice for anyone that is pre-marriage.

Bible-based. The problem with many marriage books is the source of the advice. Sure, psychologists and marriage counselors have wisdom to share, but they pale in comparison to the Word of God. This book guides the reader through the Song of Solomon and draws advice from the wisest man to ever live who, by the way, was inspired by the Holy Spirit. Check please.331639

A Must for Marriage Counselors & Pastors. This book is perfect for any number of scenarios. Whether you want to improve in marriage counseling, or you are a pastor formulating your wedding ceremony template, or you just want to help improve your marriage or a friend’s…this book is for you.

A Challenge From The Start. Let’s be honest, some books tend to trail off like a cell phone in the mountains. Not this book. A blow-by-blow heavyweight fight from start to finish, with challenges for those not married, newly married, and long-married (long-married…is that a word?).

Conflict Resolution. Chandler does not dance around this subject, because in marriage there will be conflict. This chapter is pure gold. Rather than just provide advice for husbands, this book provides great balance between the sexes in dealing with conflict. In fact, the entire book is very well-balanced for both spouses in not just conflict, but all areas of marriage.

The Bad:

A Warning. Chapter five is not for young readers. This chapter is designed for engaged/married couples, but still has value in understanding the true purpose of sexual intimacy designed by God. In this chapter, younger readers will still find valuable warnings of how the world has distorted sex.

Too Much Gospel? This is hard to say. We need to preach the Gospel to ourselves in everything we do, including marriage. But, I felt at times, the Gospel was used almost too often and brought some confusion. Almost like, sprinkle a little Gospel on it and it will taste better. At times, could have used more explanation. I understand the intent and I hesitated to even mention it, but felt I needed to be honest.

The Grade: A+

This book is real, honest, but never lets up on the pursuit of a marriage how God intended it to be. It takes the reader on an enjoyable ride through the twists and turns of marriage, but slow enough to provide valuable insight and advice from the Word of God that is attainable, useful, and life-changing. Chandler uses transparency and real-life examples to illustrate lessons learned the hard way. This book should be the next read for anyone reaching for the ultimate joy in marriage. (Hint: It’s not you or your spouse).

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Book Review: Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is

Book Review:   Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is by Joshua Harrissex-not-problem-lust-is-393x350

The Good:   The overarching positive of the book is its honesty.  Joshua Harris even brings several personal battles into the book, which allows the reader to relate to its content.  The honesty has a good balance of providing personal battles and not allowing the reader to drift off in their imagination causing more harm than good.  That being said, it does not shy away from topics such as masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasies.

Also, it provides great value in counseling.  All throughout the book there are practical helps, homework assignments you could give counselees struggling with sexual purity, and Bible verses that combat false ideals and useful for withstanding temptation (chapter 9 happens to be my favorite chapter where it give Bible passages that dispel the lies of the enemy).

The Bad:   The target audience (teens to young adults) took away from some of its firepower.  You were forced to adapt some of the application as an adult reader. 

The Grade:  B+.  The principles were still very solid and practical for the most part.  It paints a realistic picture of the power of lust, and provides Biblical ways to combat and overcome lust.  It provides a solid challenge to any reader, and great tool for anyone fighting for purity.  Also, if you are looking for a book to counsel teenagers or young adults who are struggling in sexual purity, this book would be on my recommended list.

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7 Tips to Prevent Sexual Sin & Promote Sexual Purity

Recently I heard a story that sent chills down my spine.  A pastor was sitting next to a man in a plane, who was consistently bowing his head and mouthing words to himself.  When asked for a meal, the gentlemen politely refused and continued to bow his head.  When he looked up again, the pastor couldn’t resist asking “Excuse me, I have to ask.  Are you fasting?”  The man said “Yes I am”.  Oh, thinking they had a similar bond, he said “That’s great, I’m a Christian too and…”  The man interrupted, “Oh, I’m not a Christian.  I’m a Satanist.  I’m on my way to a satanic conference, and we have made a covenant to pray and fast that all evangelical leaders may morally fail”.

Whoa!  I thought, as a pastor, I knew I had a target on my back, but I didn’t realize that people were praying for my failure (albeit prayers that have no power/value).  And, upon hearing that, and other reminders from the Holy Spirit puts on my heart, I knew it was time I take prevention up a notch.

Sexual Sin Prevention

  1. Prayer – A daily (if not hourly) prayer for God’s strength, God’s protection, and God’s wisdom against temptation (Matthew 26:41; I Corinthians 10:13)
  2. Close The Doors – There are enough doors that Satan can walk through, why not try to close all the doors you can (The “tear it out principle” in Mark 9:47).  So that means, if internet is your problem, take it off your phone or don’t access alone.
  3. Three’s Company – Never meet with a woman alone.  Period.

Sexual Purity Promotion

  1. Keep the Line of Communication Open – Have a consistent prayer life was already mentioned.  But also, if you are married, keep constant and consistent communication with your wife when temptation comes, where you are, when something unexpected pops up on your computer screen, etc.  (Prov. 4:23)
  2. Accountability – Listen, accountability groups where you just share how bad you did that week is garbage.  If you are going to have true accountability it needs to have 2 things:  honesty & teeth.  That means if you can lie to your accountability, get a new one.  That means if you can share more than once your failure and there are no consequences, get a new one. (Prov. 27:17; James 5:16)
  3. Be a Man of Action – While all this prevention is well and good…don’t forget about the actions!  The Bible is full of action against temptation – “put on whole armor of God” (Ephesians 6:11), the “Put On’s” in Colossians 3 (we often focus on what to put off, but don’t forget to put on…which is done by allowing the words of Christ to dwell in you), Submit to God (James 4:7), Walk in the Spirit (James 5:16)…and the list goes on!  You see God wants us to be Men of Action, not someone who sits on the sidelines with a clipboard checking off all we have done to prevent the enemy from scoring.  God wants us to get out there and be the fierce linebacker and crush the enemy from the opening kickoff!
  4. Make a Deposit – Finally, and probably most important.  Don’t forget to feed your soul daily.  Allow God to enrich, empower, and encourage you through His powerful word.  (Hebrews 4:12; Joshua 1:8)

 What has given you success in your purity?  What has caused you the greatest temptation?  Comment and help others prevent sin and promote purity!

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