Tag Archives: Teenagers

Are Today’s Teen’s Putting the Brakes on Adulthood?

Recently, I read an article that made a little too much sense in identifying the current teen culture.  A culture that is dominated by screen time, technology, and social media.  But, researchers are finding the behavior of these teens is somewhat tamer than previous generations, even those just decades ago.  Well, that’s good news, right?  Well, the bad news is research is also discovering the positive news of delayed rebellious acts such as alcohol and sex has a flip side.  The negative side is these teens are delaying other social aspects of adulthood such as vital problem-solving skills, conflict resolution, and relationship building.

Generally, this article is on to something that seems to be common within the current adolescent landscape.  Take a peek at the article and see if you agree, and maybe comment on what some solutions might be to the negative side of the culture swing.

Find the Article HERE

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Book Review: Age of Opportunity

Book Review:  Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp

The Good:index

Do you know a Teenager?  Then read this book.  If you are a parent of a teenager, read this book.  If you work with teenagers, read this book.  If you know the name of a teenager, read this book.  Seriously, it is one of the best books I have read for guiding teens to a godly life.

Preparation for Life.  I feel like this book truly prepares the parent for real life.  Tripp is honest in his parenting short falls and weaknesses that we all share as parents.  He does not sugar coat the difficulty of raising a teenager, but he provides valuable insight on truly getting your teenager ready to face the world, AND have an effect on the world for Christ.

Biblical.  This book is intensely Biblical.  Drawing the wisdom and insight from Scripture, it allows you trust what is being presented, because it is straight from God’s Word.  It not only provides the Scripture backing, but also ways to guide your teens to find their answers for living within the pages of the Word of God.

The Bad:

Length.  If you are not an avid reader, this would be the only drawback.  It is a long parent book, but if you stick with it, it is well worth your time.

The Grade:  A.  No book is perfect (except ones that are inspired by God), but this one is a good as they come.  Every parent should have this on their shelf and should be referenced often in their pursuit of raising godly children.  It provides practical ways to prepare their child for real life along with a proper balance of living an effective Christian life.  Priceless advice that needs to be read and re-read often.

 

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How Do You Know God’s Will?

1441765405545Do you know God’s Will? In some things…yes, but not everything. Romans 2:15 says we know God’s will for morality, whether we agree w/ it all – it is still His law, God’s standard. We cannot change that…but we KNOW it. It is written on our hearts.

Working with teens – there are often questions to know God’s will for college, career, dating…how do you know? I tell them – if you stare at the clouds long enough, God will spell it out. Kidding! NO, it’s not written in the clouds. And don’t look for a piece of burnt toast that looks like Jesus…God doesn’t work that way. Although that piece of toast is pretty amazing.

For real though, this is what I usually share with them Do you really think – if you are following God’s moral will for your life…you strive after Him, you pray and are into His Word daily…you think He won’t make His will clear to you in those big things in life? I believe He will.

WILL OF GOD_std_tBut what about non-moral decisions? What about the purpose of our suffering? What about those things that you just don’t understand? Are we without hope? NO! Will we ever know why or how? Maybe not. What do we do? We PRAY. And that which is missing, according to Romans 8:26-27, the information we do not know – the HS will fill that in – He will write the rest of our story to God! Wow!

Let me break it down this way:

  1. God promises He will hear us
  2. Holy Spirit will Help us
  3. End Result – It will all work out for GOOD (Romans 8:28)

You know what the foundation of all this is – trust. You are trusting that God will hear and has the power to answer your prayer. You are trusting the Holy Spirit knows your heart and can take your cries to the Father with the right information. You trust that no matter what happens – God is in control and what He says, allows, does…it is GOOD.

The rest of this sermon can be found and listened to here

 

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Facts About Teens & Drugs

Take a ride on this research train.  Talk to kids about drugs early and often.  Stay informed.  Have conversations and set limits and boundaries.  Click on the picture below to find out more…

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Do Teens Really Care About Social Media?

Registration cards are wonderful.  They accomplish a number of things.  They allow you to gain updated contact information from regular students.  The cards also provide a non-threatening way to gain contact information from visitors.  Typically, these cards are filled out a few time a year for special events.  And to motivate a student to actually write something outside of school, I do a giveaway.

But there is something else I do on the registration cards…I do a small survey.  It allows me to stay connected to students and attempt to stay somewhat relevant.  So this time around, I asked 3 simple questions about vacation, restaurants, and social media.  On the card was a few options, and the students simply had to circle their favorite.

In a contest of Grand Canyon, Hawaii, and Europe – it was surprisingly a tie between Hawaii and Europe.  The restaurants, as you could imagine was all over the place.  If you have ever been in a church van and asked “Where do you want to eat?”  You know what I am talking about.

But the social media question surprised me the most.  The options to circle were Facebook, Instagram, Snap chat, and None.  (I was tempted to put MySpace just to confuse some people.   Anyone remember Xanga?)  Do you know which category won?  NONE!  That’s right, the favorite use of social media in our youth ministry is NONE.  Are they just circling that to keep me away from their account?  I think it is more than that.  Teens may be moving along to the next big thing and allowing their parents and grandparents to enjoy Facebook for themselves.  What do you think?  Do teens really care about social media?  I think they may not be pushing the like button anymore.facebook_like_button_big1

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Why You Should Teach Theology To Teenagers

PosterTheology to teenagers? Are you sure? We are already seeing teenagers leave the church, aren’t you just going to add to the problem by teaching doctrine and a whole bunch of topics that end in –ology?

Actually it is quite the opposite. Teenagers need a foundation. They need to know the basic doctrines of the Bible in order to properly understand the rest of the pages written by God.

There is a reason that Genesis chapter 1, the very beginning of the Bible, begins with “In the beginning God”. God is the beginning to all knowledge, to all things spiritual. He is the answer to life’s important questions.

If anything, theology should be a place where we begin, not a place we fear to step. Do not underestimate what your students can learn. Do not overestimate what your students know now…

In fact, below is a simple theological survey, with the results from my youth ministry. Feel free to use it and maybe you will see the need to teach theology. Or it may point to specific doctrinal issues that you need to address. Feel free to share how it goes…

Survey Results PDF

 

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My Honest Journey – Facing a Life With All Girls

1910602_10154328481390246_6139702880396853286_nMy wife and I have been blessed with three beautiful girls. I have several friends who have only girls, and we had a camaraderie of sorts. There was even a name given to us…DODO’s (Dad’s of Daughters Only). We have an understanding between us. We felt guilt when our desire for a boy crossed into the arena of discontentment. We would admit there were grass is greener moments in our minds, when thinking of the house with boys. They get to watch the Lego Movie (still haven’t seen it) and I’m stuck with the Barbie movies (I may or may not be hiding these in high places in the house, oh they are torture)…or they are out in the yard playing catch while I’m doing craft time. But, we also found refuge during the quiet moments with our daughters that seemed to be rare with the wrestling, high-energy, everything-turns-into-a-gun moments with sons.

And there were moments of shame. Whenever discontentment or jealousy reared its ugly head, we were reminded of friends that struggle to have children. We have beautiful girls, precious gifts, and how could these thoughts even cross our minds. We were ashamed as we prayed for our friends who desired to just have one child.

Now before you think me and my friends are barbaric chauvinist from the dark ages who only wanted sons to tend to our land and take over our throne, let me explain something. These thoughts of dissatisfaction were rare. In fact, it typically just lasted a short time after the ultrasound, and other times sprinkled in, which were oftentimes caused by others (see below). But for the other 99.9% of the time, we treasured our sweet little girls. We enjoy the snuggles, being their knight in shining armor, protecting them from the monsters under the bed, their sweet spirit, and having the special bond that daddy’s have with their little girls.

That being said, this week I faced another one of those moments. My wife and I are expecting our fourth child, and with three girls preceding this child, I was beginning to pick up on a pattern. Since the title of this article suggest I need to be honest, I will. There were many prayers for this little one to be a boy, including my daughters who wanted a little brother. On the way home to pick up my wife for the ultrasound, I had an honest conversation with God. I confessed my need to be content, and my greatest desire was for the health of the baby. I told God my desire for a son. I prayed a paraphrase of Hannah’s prayer “God if you will give me a son, I will give my son to you” (which is a prayer for all of my kids). But if God deemed me better fit for me to be a dad of all girls, I wanted His will and would embrace it, just like I have lovingly embraced all of my girls.

So we walked not the doctor appointment, with shaky knees and trembling hands. My wife laid down, and I held her hand. At first, I thought I saw on the monitor what I had seen three times before. And I began to prepare myself for a life of all girls…four girls. But, to our shock, the ultrasound tech said “Daddy, looks like you got your wish”. I said “What? What does that mean”. She revealed (no details needed) to us on the screen, it is a boy.1688627_10154720898175246_854536271837639991_n

Am I excited? Absolutely. I was overwhelmed with tears of joy that day. But I can’t help but think of the club I once was a part of, and I owe them something. As I turn in my resignation from the DODO club, I would like to speak on their behalf to save them from future harm.

So on behalf of my fellow DODO’s, let me just give you, especially those that have never been at our tea parties, some advice…

  1. Please do not say “I’m sorry” after we say we have all girls. Unless it is your fault, there is no need to apologize.
  2. Please do not say “just wait until they are a teenager”. Believe me, dads with daughters will gladly wait for teenage-dom. In fact, most of us would welcome Jesus coming back before that happens, so reminders are not necessary.
  3. Please do not say “I’m so glad I don’t have girls”. That is equivalent of saying “I’m so glad I don’t have your face, it must be awful to have that face”. Now you know how that makes a DODO feel.
  4. Never insinuate that having boys is a “man thing”, that somehow those that have boys are more macho, manly, or have greater bravado. It takes just as much “man” to raise a daughter as it does to raise a son.
  5. Please do not ever say “having boys is the best” to someone. It stings a little.
  6. We appreciate you telling us our daughters are cute/beautiful , but please stop short of the “hope you own a shotgun” comments, reminders of boys/dating makes us weak at the knees. (Yes, I’ve had people actually say to me, “Your girls are beautiful, I hope you own a shotgun”. Not kidding.)
  7. Encourage them. Daughters need their dads. In fact, from what I have read, the relationship between a daughter and her dad has profound significance and tremendous influence on their future decisions, relationships, well-being, confidence, and self-worth.  Give them a shot in the arm, your prayers, your godly advice, and your encouragement.

 

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What is Technology Doing to Us?

OK, I can hear you from here. You’re thinking: “this is another guilt-me-into-putting-my-cell-phone-down blog. I’ve seen these a million times, and I feel guilty for a day and go without my cell phone. Then, the next day a new version of Candy Crush comes available for free, and I go bananas (pardon the pun)”

Bear with me, let’s start with an experiment. Next time you drive on the highway, take a look around. Count how many people are on their cell phones while driving. Maybe your highways are safer than mine, so take this experiment to the next restaurant you have dinner, and look to see who is actually having conversations with a non-electronic device. Take a stroll to the park, and watch parents push their kids on swings with one hand, and check their social media on their smartphone with the other.  Even when teenagers hang out, it’s commonplace for phones to be out and communication to be non-existent.social_media-Technology-Wallpapers

What’s my point?  Is the iPocolypse upon us.  Should we all try to build a Delorean with a flux capacitor to get us back 15 years.  Doc, slow down.  Before we get to some answers, let’s start with the bad news:

  1. Danger, Danger! You’ve all seen articles like this or this. There’s no doubt about it, with the overuse of technology, there comes developmental and social ramifications. Don’t ignore the warning signs of technology addiction. It’s real, and must be monitored in the future.
  2. FOMS. Anxiety is a growing problem for this generation. In fact, there is a term for the anxiety that occurs with a smartphone, it called Fear of Missing Something or FOMS. It may seem silly, but the statistics of this are staggering. Read here.
  3. So Much for Honor RollAnxiety is also growing inside the classroom.  While there are benefits of technology in the classroom, there are also some drawbacks. Not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, just presenting facts to consider.

The Good News:computer-kid

  1. Techie Faith. Teens are using their tablets for devotions and iPods for Bible reading. While I’m a big fan of feeling the Scripture pages with my fingers, technology can provide an avenue for Spiritual growth and discovery. (See Barna’s article)
  2. Millennials, Robots in Disguise? Can you say multitasking while chewing gum, patting your head, listening to your iPod, and skating…a typical Millennial can. The ability of this generation to process information quickly, multitask, and decipher technology is astounding (I caught my one year old texting the other day, not joking). This ability can be a huge advantage in their education, breadth of learning, and advancing our technology even further in the future.
  3. World-View. Whether it is learning of an earthquake in Central America within minutes of it happening, or finding out about persecution in the Far East…the worldview expansion of this generation has potential to be world-changing. Possibly by prayer, financial support, or leading causes, we are seeing more teenagers taking strides in making a difference in the world.

When it comes down to it, the key word here is BALANCE. When it comes to technology, don’t throw the cell phone out with the bath water. Technology provides educational tools, instant access to information, and globalization of communication. However, the overuse has seen the rise in anxiety amongst teens, increase in auto accidents, slow erosion of academic performance and decrease of quality family time. family-and-technologyWhere is the balance? Here’s some action points to help:

  1. Be Smart with your SmartPhone. Put the thing away when you are driving, riding a bike, or walking on a bridge.
  2. Set Limits. These could include, but not limited to: no cell phones at dinner, limit yourself to 1-2 games on your phone/tablet, must be put away when entering the house from work, and at a distance when on a date or playing with the kids. For kids & teens especially – no cell phones during homework/study and after designated bed time.
  3. Charging Station. Especially for teens that are suffering from sleep deprivation and sleep texting, take the temptation away. Design a charging station away from the bedrooms, and check the phones before your shower, not between 1am-5am.
  4. Security. Set up security and restrictions on devices. With teens averaging 6 devices, it’s no longer just computers that provide temptations. Parents, keep an eye on this, and set up software to protect. BUT DON’T STOP THERE! Have regular conversations about purity vs. pornography, online bullying, and proper technology behavior (i.e. sexting).
  5. Superheroes of Technology. In virtually every superhero movie, there’s a quote that or scene that depicts the phrase “use your powers for good not evil”. Encourage yourself and students to use this power of technology for good.   Help them find and pray for global causes, teach them to witness on social media, and show them Bible study tools online. The list is endless for positive things too.
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The Worst Thing You Can Do for Others in Need

All too often, I see young people live life with blinders to the world.  Their worldview is seen through a pin hole, overlooking the issues of someone their age on the other side of the world.  It is in this blindness where difficulties and problems in their world would be labeled as luxuries in many parts of the world.  For every teenager that scoffs at doing the dishes, there is another young person that misses another meal.  For the child that is angry at their parent for not allowing them more time playing video games, there is a child that never had the chance to call someone mommy or daddy.  And for every young person that divulges in sexual promiscuity, there are young people who have little choice and are forced into the act on a daily basis.

love-God-love-others-titleLet’s be honest.  Adults fall into this category as well.  We take for granted every day our freedom, our luxuries of appliances, devices, abundance of food, and overall safety.  Little is done on a consistent basis for the poor, the neglected, and the needy.  We too fall into the trap of complaining about our weak cell phone signals, the difficulty of choosing an outfit not as a result of too little clothes, but because the abundance in our closest, or finding just the right meal on a ten page menu.

So when I read passages like 1 John 3:16-18, it feels like a punch in the gut.  The realization of my apathy towards the needy makes me ill.  As I type this on my laptop, sitting in my leather chair, and with a comfortable setting on the thermostat (oh don’t worry, if it gets a little chilly, I have a space heater for extra comfort).  Not saying these things of themselves are evil, because God’s Word says the LOVE of money is the problem, not money.  But, as it says in 1 John 3, the issue is not what we have that is typically the problem; the real issue is the neglect of what others do not have.   Take a look at what John says in this passage…

16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

If I asked you, do you love others?  You probably would say yes.  If I asked you if you have Christ’s love for others, would you be able to answer so easily?  Not when it is defined like this:  one that would be willing to give his life for His brothers & sisters.  Goodness, we can barely give $5 in a missionary love offering or a Saturday night to work at the homeless shelter…maybe we should start small and work our way up!

Let’s keep reading…

17 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

Remember our earlier discussion about a small worldview.  Imagine that, this is not a new problem.  John highlights how our problems & struggles are right in front of our face, and we rarely look around those troubles to see what others are going through.

Let me explain it this way.  You know what magicians try to do with their audience?  They usually try to get the audience to focus on one hand, while the other is hiding something…And that’s Satan’s goal to when it comes to the needy, the poor, and the sick in the world.  We often focus on other things…it might not even be sinful or evil…but we get distracted and neglect those that may need help.

Listen, 80% of people live on less than $10 a day.  22,000 children die of poverty every day.  1.1 billion people in the world don’t have access to clean water….I could keep giving you statistics, but your reaction would probably be the same.  Either you care or you don’t.  I’m not naïve; some of you will leave this article with no change in your heart for the poor, the sick, and the needy.  But I hope there will be some that will be changed.  My hope is you will find real, tangible ways to change these stats.  That you will start an event that helps children with AIDS, or start a charity that provides clean water to poor countries.  You can do these things; there are little kids in the news that are able to accomplish these things. Maybe you start small and support a child through Compassion International or Holt International.  Maybe you do have a limited income, so start small and contribute to a missionary monthly of $2 a month.  Here’s the point…DO SOMETHING!

18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

Do you believe you can change the world?  Do you believe you CAN make a difference?  I hope so.  Here’s the worst thing you can do – NOTHING!  You wait for someone else to do it…you hope George Clooney or Bill Gates will take care of poverty in Africa.  You think you have to wait until you are older.  Listen, all these are excuses or lies from the enemy to prevent you from making a difference.

God wants more from us than just love in our words…He wants action.  My challenge during to you is to find something that YOU can do.  Whether it is planning a community event for clean water or raising money to rescue girls from sex slavery…I hope you will listen to whatever God is placing on your heart.  Don’t underestimate what you can do to help others.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.  Do something.  Less words and more action.

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What Technology is Doing to Children & Teenagers’ Bodies – A Must Read

Ever heard of “i-Posture” or “Facebook Depression”…Did you know too much time gaming or on internet during childhood is linked to cardiovascular disease?  Technology may be more than just a distraction, it could affect a child’s health.

This fascinating article called “Here’s What A Constantly Plugged-In Life Is Doing To Kids’ Bodies” posted in the Huffington Post (see below) describes the effects technology is having on children now, and later in life.


Infographic by Alissa Scheller for The Huffington Post.

If it seems like your kids are constantly plugged in, tapping away on their iPhones, obsessively gaming and SnapChatting way more than they’re actually … chat-chatting — well, that’s because they are. It’s estimated that children ages 8 to 18 spend an average of seven hours a day behind screens; teens send an average of 3,417 text messages each month; and 97 percent of adolescents have at least one electronic device in their bedrooms.

What’s just as scary as how much time kids spend on screens is the effect it can have on their health. Their backs and wrists are sore, their sleep is disrupted and their attention spans are diminished.

While it would be impossible to rid your kids’ lives of technology completely — and you wouldn’t want to, because of its many joys and benefits — parents can take a few measures to help prevent its negative mental and physical side effects.

Here are some ways screens may be harming your kids’ bodies and what you can do about it:

They’re Hunched Over, And Their Necks And Upper Backs Are Sore

The human body’s natural position is an erect posture with a little bit of lordosis (inward curve) in the neck and a bit of kyphosis (round curve) in the upper back. A person sitting at in front of a computer is likely to have rounded shoulders and forward head posture, which puts a strain on the muscles and joints, causing soreness and fatigue.

What To Do: Dr. Sherilyn Driscoll, a doctor of pediatric physical medicine and rehabilitation at the Mayo Clinic Children’s Center, recommends that parents be conscious of ergonomics when kids are at their computers: It should be on a desk with the keyboard at hand level, there should be a supportive backrest, and kids should try to maintain an upright position.

They’re Less Active

Research has linked childhood obesity to too much screen time. In a recent study, 61 percent of obese boys and 63 percent of obese girls reported watching television for two or more hours each day. Studies have also suggested that TV viewing habits in childhood can predict obesity risk in adulthood.

What To Do: According to government guidelines, kids and teens should get at least one hour of moderate to vigorous physical activity each day at least three times a week to increase strength and develop strong muscles.

Their Fingers And Wrists Are Suffering

Wrist and finger pain is common in kids who play video games. A study (done by a kid!) found that children were 50 percent more likely to experience pain for every hour they spent gaming. Dr. Eric Ruderman, an associate professor at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, said video game playing may be harmful for children’s developing muscles and tendons.

Too much texting can also lead to soreness and cramping in the fingers, known as “text claw.” According to a 2012 Nielsen report, the average teen sends 3,417 texts a month, which is about seven an hour. Ouch.

What To Do: Ruderman says parents need to limit game time: Two hours per day is too much for a 7- or 8-year-old. Additionally, HuffPost Healthy Living has put together a comprehensive guide to alleviate pain from smartphone use that you can share with your teen.

Their Sight Could Be Affected

Teens’ constant use of electronics at home and at school is taking a toll on their eyes, according to David Epley, a pediatric ophthalmologist in Kirkland, Wash., and a spokesman for the American Academy of Ophthalmology. Whenever someone spends time in front of a screen their “blink rate” goes down, which can lead to dry, itchy eyes and eye strain. While teens’ eyes can get used to screens, Epley said, damage can develop over time and even cause myopia, or nearsightedness.

What To Do: The American Academy of Ophthalmology recommends that a computer user shift focus away from a screen every 20 minutes and take 20 seconds to look at something that is at least 20 feet away. “This gets you blinking again,” Epley said. “And restores moisture to the surface of the eye.”

Their Sleep Is Disrupted

According to a 2010 Pew Study, 4 out of 5 teenagers sleep with their cell phones on and near their beds. And they’re not just using phones as alarms; another study found that teens send an average of 34 texts a night after getting into bed.

Teens’ sleep can be disrupted by screens because the bright lights that glow from the devices “wakes up the brain,” Michael Decker, a sleep specialist and associate professor at Case Western School of Nursing, told The Huffington Post. The light can confuse the brain since our circadian pacemaker does not differentiate between the sun and a computer screen. “Teens are getting this bright light and it’s making them go to bed later and want to sleep later,” said Decker, “but they can’t deal with the sleep loss.” Not getting enough sleep has a psychological effect on teens, and can lead to irritability and poor social skills. Memory is also negatively affected, which in turn can diminish academic performance.

What To Do: The National Sleep Foundation recommends that teenagers get 9.25 hours of sleep each night (although for some kids, 8.5 hours is enough). Dr. Suzanne Phillips suggests discussing a nighttime plan with your kids -– either phones off after 11 p.m., or requiring them to charge it in another room overnight.

They’re Losing A Little Bit Of Hearing

One in 5 teens has experienced hearing loss — a number that’s increased in recent years. Though it hasn’t been proven, experts suggest loud music coming from digital music players could be to blame. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Personal music players, such as MP3 players, can cause lasting hearing loss if you turn the volume up high enough to mask the sound of other loud noises, such as those from a lawn mower.”

What To Do: The Associated Press points out that parents can set the maximum volume on their kids’ iPods and lock it with a code.

Their Brains Are … Different

Breathe out. There is no hard evidence to suggest that technology is rotting your kids’ brains. Sure, screens can be harmful: Today’s teens are more distracted; social media can contribute to psychological problems; and most obviously, they can’t read maps.

But there are also benefits to growing up with technology. Dr. Larry Rosen, author of Rewired: Understanding the iGeneration and The Way They Learn, says that social media can help teens find their identity in the world. A recent study found that interactive tools did help kids learn. Toddlers who interacted with the screen picked up concepts and words faster.

While experts on both sides of the issue have strong opinions, most agree that moderation is key. And as parents, one must look at one’s own screen habits and remember that the kids are watching. “Kids do not need our undivided attention all day long, but they do in those real-life moments of talking and reading and doing the hard work of parenting — dealing with meltdowns, teaching them how to pick up their clothes,” Catherine Steiner-Adair, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age, told The Huffington Post.

So, moms and dads, it’s time to walk away from the computer, put the phone down and enjoy your kids face to face.
(After you share this article with your friends.)

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